@TheSofiya

Prom tip: DON’T HAVE A BABY

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@WheelTod

The correct etiquette is to always use a fish knife when eating fish; a tomato knife when eating tomatoes; and a Swiss Army knife when eating the Swiss Army.

@MoistPork

If you’re a vegan and an atheist and a runner, how do you choose which way to annoy people in a conversation first?

@velvettusk

“Eat your dinner so that lamb didn’t die for nothing” – will ensure you get your daughter’s helping, too.

@pleatedjeans

A Jurassic Park movie where nothing goes wrong just 2 of the employees fall in love & later a baby dino is the ring bearer at their wedding

@EricaTheThor

Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.

@bobvulfov

(sheepishly putting my arm around pitbull) so is there a mrs worldwide