i hate this pandemic if i wanted to waste my early 20s i would have gotten married
Prom tip: DON’T HAVE A BABY
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Thanks a lot bathroom doors with the gender written in weird symbols. I just want to pee, not solve a sudoku puzzle.
Because you never know when your
aquarium could explode ….
and you really need those 96 rolls
of paper towels.
They say, “stain proof,” I say “challenge accepted.”
You have no idea how many windows you have until someone is working on your gutters.
God: *making Eve from Adam’s rib*
Adam: That’s a weird way to make people
God: Lol wait till you see how she does it
Surprise your partner in bed by dying in your sleep
St-t-t-t-top! Stamm-mm-m-m-mm-m-mer t-t-t-time!
If the police ask, I was in my house from 2009 to 2013.