*shitting pants, crying, missing my shoe*
yoga instructor: you need to leave
me: oh is this not child’s pose?
Pronounces ‘daughter’ like ‘laughter’
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My wife and I role play “The Fast and the Furious” in bed. Me and her, respectively.
6 was jealous about other kids getting notes in their lunches, so I put one in his:
“Sorry, I ate your pudding. Love, Dad.”
Finals come around and now you like the library?
Name 3 of their songs
i want all the extra fat on my body to fall off and turn into $65,000 cash
Found my missing cardigan when my sister posted a FB pic of her wearing it.
Sometimes I wonder what ever happened to people who asked me for directions.
5yo: I can’t wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you’re here from the future to save the world.
FaceTime with mom is a great way to see a really magnified thumb