[my first poker game]
OPPONENT *checks cards, and does jazz hands*
ME: *muttering to myself* once i know your tell you’re history buddy
pros of being a jellyfish:
-gelatinous body type.
-sting the shit out of anything that tries to hug you.
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Her: i’m a criminal lawyer, what do you do?
Me: really, well it just so happens that I… (trying to impress her) …am a criminal
I’m a low maintenance girlfriend. Just bring me a bouquet of cats.
Hate your job as a calendar maker?Need a way to get fired? Easy.
Just take a day off
Me: I’d like a cloak, please.
Clerk: is plepsi ok?
Breakup? I’m sorry no.
You’re not finished being in love with me yet.
Me: I get scared. I can’t explain it. It’s a weird feeling when the change happens.
Friend: They’re just transition lenses. Please calm down.
Catapult: an ancient military device for hurling large objects
Dogapult: an ancient military device for hurling large objects, fetching them, bringing them back, and hurling them again