@Browtweaten

Prosecutor: I object

Me: No, you a person

Judge: On what grounds?

Me: The courthouse grounds

Judge: I’m ordering you-

Me: Hi Ordering You, I’m Dad

Judge: Bailiff, take him out

Me: That’s flattering but I’m married lol

Prosecutor: I object

Me: No, you a person

Judge: On what grounds?

Me: The courthouse grounds

Judge: I’m ordering you-

Me: Hi Ordering You, I’m Dad

Judge: Bailiff, take him out

Me: That’s flattering but I’m married lol

- @Browtweaten

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@PrestoVision

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me: [owns 1 pair of jeans] haha, 6 actually

@Donna_McCoy

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@justokpanda

Lemons are ok but in some other dimension when life hands us tambourines we make dragon nests and it’s kind of hard not to be bitter about that

@QwertyJones3

HER: You can’t even go 5 minutes without making a Star Trek reference.

ME: Yes I Khan.

@KeetPotato

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he had the eyes of a man who just dropped his ice cream