The first rule of cliff hanger club is
Protestants sing every verse to every hymn. Catholics know this. We think about it when we get to the bakery 20 minutes ahead of you.
You Might Also Like
Edward norton: what’s your power
Me: I recast avenger characters
Mark ruffalo: wait wut
FIREFIGHTER: You need to get out of here [dodges falling support beam] right now!
ME: [staring at toaster waiting for pop tart] come on come on
Husband: *gives me two pancakes*
Me: Hey! These paper plates say they hold up to 2 lbs of food.
Me: Keep stacking, buddy.
When I took improv 101 in 2013, there was a guy who would make every single scene about a high school reunion. Made me feel like he took the class just to prepare for any possible scenario that could happen at an upcoming high school reunion
*stands near cute dude in store*
ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*
What idiot called them “cannibals” and not “humanitarians”?
me: how do i get a girl to like me
dad: make her feel wanted
me: [puts bounty on her]
“You promise you didn’t get me bees again”
[me from a distance] just open it