@TheBoydP: Protip: If a party guest says "I don't dance" what he's really telling you is "make my drinks stronger please".
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@Brampersandon_: [bald eagles exchanging gifts] *holds out gift* You didn't get me a toupee again, did you? -Uhh... *slowly pulls gift back*
@stevevsninjas: Octopus: *holding 8 guns* Looks like we got a Mexican standoff Squid: *holding 8 guns* Not so fast *draws 2 more guns*
@2tickytacky: When someone yells "Fire!" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep
@MichaelTrying: The monsters under my bed used to threaten to eat me but now they just whisper something stupid I did 12 years ago.