Me: “The only person I need in my life is you.”
Bartender: “Please stop trying to hold my hand.”
Protip: If a party guest says “I don’t dance” what he’s really telling you is “make my drinks stronger please”.
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Her: You act like the Earth revolves around you.
Sun: *sigh* OK, Karen. Let’s go through this one more time.
*uses blood from wounds to write my killer’s name on the floor*
I…will be…avenged. NO! BAD DOG! DON’T LICK THAT! DADDY NEEDS JUSTICE!
“What? Only 2% Milk? Then what’s the other 98%!?”
[bull walking confidently out of the factory]
Oh you don’t wanna know
Kylo Ren used to complain his parents were passive aggressive.
Well, boo hoo.
My dad was actively aggressive.
Just ask my hand.
When I was your age, I was outside all day until dark
15: The batteries on cell phones must have been a lot better back then
can’t believe I got front row seats
Boy becomes Jedi, gets married, turns evil, has twins, becomes Darth Vader, complicated crap, ewoks. Boom, STAR WARS. You’re welcome, girls.
Some day, you too, will meet someone you want to spend the rest of your days without
I just seen a kid yell at his dad and tell him “No jerk!”
I yelled at my dad once when I was 12, then I woke up and I was 16.