@OkigboXL

PSA: Don’t EVER let your printer know that you’ve waited until the last minute to print something out and you’re in hurry because they can sense fear.

PSA: Don’t EVER let your printer know that you’ve waited until the last minute to print something out and you’re in hurry because they can sense fear.

- @OkigboXL

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@Brentweets

The east coast is experiencing a “Snowpocalypse” or as Canada calls it “Monday”

@daddydoubts

My toddler just called the cheese he’s eating “medicine for my belly”.

Even kids understand the healing powers of cheese.

@_mascaragirl

*Astronaut takes a photo of Earth from space*

Earth: “Delete it.”

@PaperWash

Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy’s before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks

@garyfromteenmom

[first date]
ok dont let them know i stalked them online
them: my aunt–
me: theresa or sharon

@zachreinert03

I literally got fired from a job for not knowing what to do with my hands when I talk. I guess sign language interpreting just wasn’t for me

@eliserose5

I’m 5’3. I may be short but I have a HUGE personality….disorder.

@junejuly12

Whenever an automatic hand dryer doesn’t turn on for me, I like to think my diet is really working.

@_little_old_me

The best misheard song lyric ever is “Hit me with your pet shark”.

I will hear no other opinions on this matter.