I make all guests at my house leave their phones at the door just because I know they’ll leave quicker that way.
Psychoanalysis is just regular analysis performed by one of my exes
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Me: I need to go
Tequila: No stay, have a couple more
Me: I need to go to bed
Tequila: Shhhh just sleep on the floor, I got you
“How do you feel about this combination of paint?”
“Well, mixed emulsions really”
a gaggle of geese, a murder of crows, a genocide of seagulls, a holocaust of toucans
Ace of Base and the Lords of Acid meet in a bar and neutralize each other
t-rex: aaargh I cant feel my legs
me: dinosaurs can’t talk
her: how do u know
me: they’re all dead, barb
Whenever I see a newspaper on a driveway, left out in the rain, I figure that house just forgot how to read.
I dream about living in a world where Adobe never asks me to update it.