The fact that the British call math “maths” scares me, since the only thing more frightening than math is plural math.
*pulls away from kissing*
JUDGE: That was unexpected and kind of nice, but you’re still guilty.
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oh, internet, you didn’t even exist when this happened to me. every weekend.
Girl: I’ve always had a bit of a thing for bad boys
Dog: [starts putting on his coat] I don’t think this is gonna work out
[About to sign divorce papers] and I definitely get to keep this pen?
The answer I didn’t know I was looking for
Daughter keeps licking water off the shower floor, but she’s our second kid, so we let that stuff slide.
me: damn, can’t use the gps, my phone is dead
friend: it’s cool, we have a map
me: nice, we can find a place to charge my phone
EATS clean for a week, loses 2 pounds.
DRIVES by a donut shop, gains 5.
This is some bullshit.
The only thing I care about is credits where it says the dog is playing themself
Me: lets go on a date
Me: what could go wrong
*25 minutes later we are being chased by a pack of raccoons*