#punsr PREDOMINANT: how to describe a young lady. . . before she gets married

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This is yr brain. This is yr brain on drugs. *turns page* This is yr brain on the beach at Cancun! Awwww, yr brain on yr honeymoon. *turns p


Rude lady to me, “Well I’m sorry but you don’t LOOK sick to me.” Me, “Looks can be deceiving. For example, you don’t look stupid.”


Each time my husband yells for the Warriors an angel (me) uses his credit card.


*me looking in refrigerator*
freezer: hey buddy my ice are up here


when someone says ‘your flys down’ it implies that 1) i have a fly and 2) hes having a bad day


If I was a drunk superhero, I’m pretty sure I’d be “I Love You Man”


i once saw a pigeon on the subway & it got off at the financial district & all i could think was “cool. that bird makes more money than me”