@ayisi_yaw

#punsr PREDOMINANT: how to describe a young lady. . . before she gets married

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@ChicksRule

[at the opera]

Date: this is going on forever

Me: oh, they can’t stop until I sing

@pakalupapito

why do parents get mad when u sleep all day like im staying out of trouble and im not spending your money like what is the issue here

@winosaurusmom

My husband and I have dedicated to potty training our 3-year-old this weekend because apparently we haven’t challenged our marriage enough lately.

@dixoterin

the coronavirus really making people awaken their inner “A guy bought 20 watermelons” from those math problems

@thatUPSdude

Think the walk of shame sucks now, imagine doing it in the 80s in corduroy pants.

Everyone heard you leaving.

@hazelmotes1

Golf, except there’s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.

@str8upjuggahos

I don’t eat dessert for dinner nearly as much as I thought I would when I was 8

@Kunk7

Current forecast: 3-6 inches of 🔥🔥🔥🔥