“So, what’s the plan?”
“You walk up and do your whole ‘rawr rawr’ shtick, and I’ll sneak around and grab their sammiches.”
Push-up men’s underwear.
Taking complexes to a whole new level.
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[at a party] i see u have name brand garbage bags, are u a doctor
Check on your friends stuck in quarantine with kids that never stop talking.
We are NOT ok.
I tried to make a batch of rum balls. But now they’re just balls and i’m drunk.
Parachuting is probably the best way to put your life in the hands of a backpack.
did… did they arrest the mountain lions
They say “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” but what happens if you tell a lie with no pants on?
See ya later, alligator.
After a while, crocodile.
Catch ya mañana, little iguana.
4-year-old: Is there candy in that drawer?
4: Can I check?
Me: Do you have a warrant?
I personally endorse our president going to war with North Korea. Not our military of course, just the president.