hi rappers i have been shaking dat ass all night and i am exhausted can you make a song about sitting and watching tv at a reasonable volume
*puts down 1000 page thesis*
*looks at audience*
So, and hear me out, what if Mr. Miyagi actually paid those schoolboys to bully that kid so he can get his house fixed?
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Friend: Pics or it didn’t happen
Friend: Ok, that doesn’t actually clear anything up
This hasn’t helped my bull get any sleep at all. In fact, the closer I get to him with the bulldozer, the more agitated he gets.
How to Be a Librarian:
2. but iSHHHHH
[In football huddle]
“What do you guys think happens when we die?”
If a woman is in Lowe’s buying a plunger, she doesn’t want to be hit on. She’s dealing with enough shit already.
Me: Not to brag but I know all of them by name.
Them: Well, they are your children; both of them.
[twirling my bra above my head like a helicopter and it gets stuck on the ceiling fan, im launched thru window into neighbors yard]
When there were bear prints in the sand that was bear jesus chasing you