HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU
BURNING SINGLES NEAR YOU
1ST DEGREE BURNED SINGLES NEAR YOU
DEAD SINGLES NEAR YOU
??? ????’? ??? ????
*puts seashell up to ear*
Me: I think I can hear the ocea-
Seashell: Seven days. You will die in seven days.
Me: (to friend) It’s for you.
You Might Also Like
I thought you said gin.
Either way, make mine a double.
When you have kids, finding a marker lid in your house is like finding a pin without the grenade attached.
It’s fine when farmers use souls of old plants 2 strengthen crops, but when I do it w/ ppl “I’m a witch” & “dear god she’s getting stronger”
How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can’t even get two kids to brush their teeth.
[Man on Ledge]
Man: *shouting* I’m going to jump!
Me: *grabbing megaphone* DON’T LAND ON THE TACO TRUCK, I’VE ALREADY PAID FOR MY ORDER!
Omg this smells SO good. The kids are gonna hate it.
[getting brutally stabbed] hey wait, you have an eyelash *gently removes it* make a wish
Can you imagine how rich Adam and Eve would be right now if they would have held on to that Apple stock instead of eating it and incurring the wrath of God?