@cjkasulke
half the posts I see are people planning to go completely feral this summer and the other half are folks concerned that they’ll be permanently agoraphobic. I, for one, will be doing both
@Dis0beyJay
*Putting ikea furniture together*
Her: ummm, it’s supposed to be a dresser
Me:* Standing next to a wooden T.Rex* I KNOW WHAT IM DOING, LINDA
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@cjkasulke
@QwertyJones3
“This is a robbery! Be cool and nobody gets hurt!”
ME: *starts vaping*
@HuffPostComedy
Awww, how nice for wittle Jeb #JokeoftheDay #Conan
@rudy_mustang
God: then u become a butterfly
Caterpillar: wow the rest of my life as a butterfly
God: yah lol the “rest”
C: how long
G
C:how long God
@TheBoydP
Relationship status: Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown to kick. She’s Lucy. I’m the football.
@omgthatspunny
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office is in big trouble. You have my Word.
@SaraMansford
Germ 1-OMG he dropped his pizza!
Germ 2-PIIZZZAAAA!!! Let’s get it!
Germ Capt.-Stand back! He still has one more second to pick it up.
@trumpetcake
Sometimes I put a cashew in my mouth for the dentist to find.
@AbbyHasIssues
The good news is it wasn’t a bug. The bad news is I beat the crap out of a black bean on the floor with my shoe.
@MsGreenGoddess
If you don’t sit down to a nice big plate of breakfast for dinner once in a while, you’re missing out on one of the best things in life.