*Putting ikea furniture together*
Her: ummm, it’s supposed to be a dresser
Me:* Standing next to a wooden T.Rex* I KNOW WHAT IM DOING, LINDA

You Might Also Like


half the posts I see are people planning to go completely feral this summer and the other half are folks concerned that they’ll be permanently agoraphobic. I, for one, will be doing both


“This is a robbery! Be cool and nobody gets hurt!”

ME: *starts vaping*


God: then u become a butterfly

Caterpillar: wow the rest of my life as a butterfly

God: yah lol the “rest”

C: how long


C:how long God


Relationship status: Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown to kick. She’s Lucy. I’m the football.


Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office is in big trouble. You have my Word.


Germ 1-OMG he dropped his pizza!

Germ 2-PIIZZZAAAA!!! Let’s get it!

Germ Capt.-Stand back! He still has one more second to pick it up.


Sometimes I put a cashew in my mouth for the dentist to find.


The good news is it wasn’t a bug. The bad news is I beat the crap out of a black bean on the floor with my shoe.


If you don’t sit down to a nice big plate of breakfast for dinner once in a while, you’re missing out on one of the best things in life.