
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a “gym.”
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a “gym.”
Which word do you think would make a pretty baby name if it didn’t mean what it meant? I’m going with Omelette.
*makes 9 yr old son memorise my phone number in case he gets lost
[He gets lost]
*I don’t answer my phone as I don’t recognise the number
Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain.
CHARLIE BROWN: happy thanksgiving!
CHARLIE BROWN’S PARENTS: wah wah wah
CHARLIE BROWN: I cannot believe you said that that’s racist
CHARLIE BROWN’S PARENTS: wah wah wah
CHARLIE BROWN: he’s not my President
CHARLIE BROWN’S PARENTS: wah wah wah
CHARLIE BROWN: I am too your son
Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words “Me too”?
Me: *brings a cheesecake to a pie fight*
My enemies: sweet jesus she’s gone completely insane RUN!!
Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I need to learn how to tie my shoes with one hand.
WHAT I SAID:
Woah! You look like Tina Turner on meth.WHAT I SHOULD’VE SAID:
Good Morning Honey.
Don’t get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid.