Can you describe the man who did this
“he was a meanie head”
No describe his face, sir
“He had a stupid face”
Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Good Fry-day.
#GoodFriday #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
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Even a broken clock is right twice a day, unless it lives with a woman
I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.
me: we found a body in the woods but it’s decayed beyond recognition
deputy: can’t you identify it using dental records
me: ordinarily we would but the town dentist has been missing for over a month now
I’m starting a security system company that only installs those giant electrical fences in Jurassic Park
Bay: come over
Me: no, I’m watching TMNT
Bay: I made one too
Me: but it’s awful
Bay: come watch it
Me: who gave you my number, Michael
Guys, ladies love a rugged man.
Be like a wolf.
Knock down her house.
Eat her grandmother.
Tear her to shreds.
*makes wolf sounds
Gets pulled over:
” it’s because I can’t see isn’t it?!”
What’s the best motorcycle for cardio? I’m trying to get into biking for exercise.
After three beers in a bikini I quit holding in my stomach and just think of baby names to tell people.