WIFE: Your tree puns make me sick
ME: Well you make me sycamore. Why don’t you leaf.
Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Good Fry-day.
#GoodFriday #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
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F1: I’m going camping.
F2: What about the wild animals?
F1: I’ve got that covered. I’ve been secretly training at Furry conventions.
FUN GAME: Ride a bicycle with an empty baby seat on the back down a busy street whilst loudly saying “You’re being VERY well behaved.”
You can’t die, man! Not right now. Not on my watch! *lifts dead body and pulls watch put from under it*
”I want to ruin some songs today.” -The producers of Glee every morning.
DHS: Do you known Anakin Skywalker?
Darth Vader: Im An…
DHS: he owes 22 years back child support for twins
Darth Vader: I think he died
It’s the eye of the tiger.
It’s the spleen of a sheep.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight …. So I got that going for me.
*calls child protective services*
PROTECTIVE SERVICES: Why would you name me this, mom?
Please respect my privacy during this time. Nothing happened I just don’t want to talk to anyone.