@PoorEvelyn

Queen Elizabeth is celebrating 60 years on the throne.

I assume it was something she ate.

You Might Also Like

@LurkAtHomeMom

7: [from bed] MOM!
Me: YES?
7: *mumbling
Me: WHAT?
7: *mumbling
Me: HUH?
7: *mumbling
Me: *pauses movie*
7: WHAT DOES LIGHTNING TASTE LIKE?

@relatabledad

coming to theaters soon: Dawn of the Rise of the Dawn of the Planet of the Rise of the Rise of the Dawn of the Apes

@brokenfuIly

i wanna look like a snack this summer but i keep eating them

@gabbazaba

the hardest part about going somewhere is people asking “who are you going with?” … definitely seems to be a sort of cultural norm quota limit on how many times you can answer that with “some guy from craigslist”

@DanSpenser

A “Purge” comedy where two pals accidentally kill someone a week before the purge and try to fake the person’s life until the murder would be legal.

@Mickey_McCauley

Unfaithful Russian men come home to find all their stuff in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box on the sidewalk.

@rickolantern

If I ever post that I’ve hit the gym, it’s only because I lost control of my car.

@envydatropic

I’m at the age where “pop, lock, and drop” is about my knee giving out instead of dance moves

@Donna_McCoy

If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.