I cuss around my kids so they understand proper useage, timing and inflection. Vocabulary is power.
[quietly] “Always a bridesmaid never the bride”
BRIDE: Hey, you’re not one of my bridesmaids!
“Shhh…this day is about you, not me.”
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If I were a millionaire, I’d probably sign up Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow for a movie called, ‘Salt’ & ‘Pepper’.
my wife and I do this Batman role play where I disappear mid conversation like with Commissioner Gordon
Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he’s-
Son: Dad please don’t…
Dad: Lawn gone.
Therapist: do what makes u happy and don’t do what makes u sad
Me: so happy music makes me happy
Me: and sad music makes me sad
Me: and I’m sad
Me: therefore I should listen to sad music
Therapist: so close
Is this you?
They probably could have called lightbulbs, just “bulbs”. Most people would still get it.
Me: Cleaning the basement.
12yo boy: Let me know if u need help.
13yo girl: Let me know when you’re done.
Yep…throwing out HER crap.
Plot twist: Dogs and cats do not adjust their clocks to Daylight Saving Time. Meals will be expected at the regularly appointed hour.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.