God: We need to create something Magical
Angel: Yes, Sir
G: Call it Unicorn
A: *Tries and fails
G: Call it rhinoceros
[quietly tries to open a can of beer]
driving instructor: what was that
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The perennially hyped name “Super Moon” insults the legacy of Superman, Super Volcanoes, Supernovae, and even Super Mario.
Boss: What’s your greatest strength?
Me: I’m a risk taker
B: Can you give an example?
M: *Passionately kisses boss*
when the doctor starts putting on latex gloves at your next physical, a fun thing to do is to whip out your own pair & put them on too
Me: Alexa, when will computers become self-aware?
Alexa: When will YOU become self-aware?
M: *gazing out a window, crying* good one, Alexa
Alexa, make out with the Roomba
ME: can I ask one last question
FIRING SQUAD CAPTAIN: ok shoot
FIRING SQUAD CAPTAIN: aw heck
My brief gig as a lounge singer ended when I asked 4 requests & realized I didn’t know the song “Get Off the Stage or Die.” Elvis, maybe?