“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches”
Quit doubting my abilities, I can drive with one hand and crash the car with the other…
You Might Also Like
When you finally remember to take your reusable bags into the store and walk in with that swagger like look at me all saving the world and shit
OH GOD! BOB IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK! QUICK SOMEONE CALL A TEMP AGENCY. I’M SURE AS HELL NOT DOING ALL HIS WORK.
Mario! Are you coming to save me from Bowser’s Castle?
PEACH I MIGHT BE
My daughters weren’t paying attention to me, so I told them Taylor Swift died.
I buy a lot of ringtones for someone who hasn’t answered a phone call since 2008.
People in public restrooms don’t really like playing Peek-a-boo, apparently.
How to Parallel Park
1. Back in slowly
2. Nope wrong angle
3. Oh god, ur holding up traffic
4. Keep driving forever, u live in the car now
Things I use my car for, from most to least:
1)Tweeting while parked
3)Transporting bugs that can fly but are lazy