*Secretly hands your kid a Sharpie*
“So tell me more about that homemade all-natural organic cleanser.”
Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that’s why we never do that.
You Might Also Like
That’s a really big gun in your pants.
And that’s how you get out of a speeding ticket.
“STOP COPYING ME!”
I yell, as my car spins out of control.
[the Wright brothers before the first flight ever]
Orville: *taking off his shoes*
Wilbur: um what are u doing
Orville: what if i have a bomb
Every call with my mother starts in one of two ways:
1. WHY HAVEN’T YOU CALLED? IS EVERYTHING OK?
2. WHY ARE YOU CALLING? IS EVERYTHING OK?
I can really relate to pi because I also keep going forever after the point has been made.
cellphones are ruining the Boyfriend Throwing Pebbles at the Girlfriend’s Bedroom Window industry
The wife wants to try period sex
“Seems unsanitary to me”
I dont think u understand-
*wife bursts in wearing medieval armor*
A pop up blocker for coworkers who send you an email and immediately show up at your desk to ask if you got their email.
Since I had to google “exercise” to make sure I spelled it right, I think it’s safe to say I have no idea what to do at the gym.