
*Secretly hands your kid a Sharpie*
“So tell me more about that homemade all-natural organic cleanser.”
Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that’s why we never do that.
*Secretly hands your kid a Sharpie*
“So tell me more about that homemade all-natural organic cleanser.”
That’s a really big gun in your pants.
And that’s how you get out of a speeding ticket.
“STOP COPYING ME!”
I yell, as my car spins out of control.
[the Wright brothers before the first flight ever]
Orville: *taking off his shoes*
Wilbur: um what are u doing
Orville: what if i have a bomb
Every call with my mother starts in one of two ways:
1. WHY HAVEN’T YOU CALLED? IS EVERYTHING OK?
2. WHY ARE YOU CALLING? IS EVERYTHING OK?
I can really relate to pi because I also keep going forever after the point has been made.
cellphones are ruining the Boyfriend Throwing Pebbles at the Girlfriendโs Bedroom Window industry
[Talking w/Doc]
The wife wants to try period sex
“Seems unsanitary to me”
I dont think u understand-
*wife bursts in wearing medieval armor*
A pop up blocker for coworkers who send you an email and immediately show up at your desk to ask if you got their email.
Since I had to google “exercise” to make sure I spelled it right, I think it’s safe to say I have no idea what to do at the gym.