I want Rebecca Black to make a music video for every day of the week!
Said by nobody.
[watches eyebrow graduate]
[cries at eyebrow’s wedding]
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that’s NOT YOUR CALL TO MAKE
Hey, NSA, if you’re going to read them, would it kill you to star them?
*logs on Facebook
IT’S YOUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BULLY’S BIRTHDAY TODAY!
WAIT COME BACK!
YOU HAVEN’T HEARD ABOUT YOUR EX’S ENGAGEMENT!
Just watched a guy in a shirt that read “Jedi I am” trip on a curb and fall.
Jedi you are not sir
HIM: Do you have raisins?
ME: I have grapes and patience.
Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she’s not a “clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend” through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM
Morgan Freeman: I’m not losing my mind, I’m not losing my mind.
[Morgan Freeman voice]
He was though. He was losing his mind big time
If you eat guns, you’ll sweat bullets.
He stole my heart, so I stole his last name. Is the slogan of a very famous body parts and new ID shop in Mexico.