@mattZillaaaa: Ran into someone that said “oh I haven’t seen you in a long time” and I was like I know I did that on purpose.
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@3sunzzz: *shows up at your potluck party with a bag full of weed* "I think I misunderstood the invitation."
@bighandsmassuer: As I slowly remove her panties I think to myself God these don't fit me very well
@JohnLyonTweets: My neighbor’s cat got into the booth with me when I was testing my teleportation device and now there’s cat hair all over my genes.