@dulcetry

Rapture’s tomorrow. Christians will be flying up into the air to meet Jesus.

Two words: DUCK HUNT

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@SIGHFIDELITY

*a murder mystery party but backwards- where we, as a group, must decide who among us to murder and how*

@weinerdog4life

Side effects may include: upset stomach, diarrhea, some wolves will chase you, like 6-12 wolves, it’s ok

@lindsaycrouse

Gap years are wasted on 18 year olds, we need a gap year for people in their 30s

@JillianKarger

[walking into museum]

i must read each and every description, really soak up the history

*after 20 minutes*

can i sit on this or is it art?

@FavoritesYou

Why do people say its not you… it’s me in a breakup? Yeah it’s YOU, you’re an idiot! I’m amazing… ask your brother!

@Kendragarden

It’s important to vary your diet. Like, yesterday I had popcorn & a margarita for dinner so tonight I’m having popcorn & wine for dinner.

@ArfMeasures

Gang Leader: If you wanna join, you need to prove you’re fearless

Me: People ask me to social events and I actually go

Gang Leader: *takes step back* holy shit