Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@waveymaree

I love twitter

@Gupton68

Wow, what amazing teeth! May I have a closer look?

~ Red Riding Hood, seconds before realising that forgetting to wear her spectacles wasn’t the only mistake she’d make that day.

@flashember

[Romeo and Juliet as turtles]

ROMEO: Death hath sucked the honey of thy breath

JULIET: I’m just stuck on my back

R: we’re turtles, Juliet

@Parentpains

If you didn’t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.

@robin_991

Somebody spiked my ice water with 14 glasses of champagne last night

@thatfinguy

Pretty woman wouldn’t have been as sweet of a love story if we saw all the times she sucked c**k for money weeks prior.

@panmidwest

THERAPIST: what’s wrong?

WIFE: he makes us watch Gladiator every single day!

ME: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

@GlennyRodge

Someone’s just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. I only received super fish oil injuries, but still.

@neiltyson

The perennially hyped name “Super Moon” insults the legacy of Superman, Super Volcanoes, Supernovae, and even Super Mario.

@DearAuntAbby

Apparently I need to go on a diet if I want to have room in my pockets for snacks. Why is life so hard?