@notlaneydelaney: just learned from my mom that my brother is contributing so heavily to chocolate milk sales at the local supermarket that they’ve requested to be notified when he leaves for college so that they don’t overstock

@Phillylawyer7: Dirty Dancing is my favorite movie about a girl who cannot dance at all, but wins a dance competition because her partner has a great mullet

@lexizinger: at my wedding my cat will be the flower girl and she will be guided down the aisle with a laser pointer

@hot_coughy: When a woman says "I can't even tell you how upset I am right now" just wait 3 seconds.

@80want: ?Police Navidad / Police Navidad / Police Navidad, usemos mace y brutalidad?