[throws milk at cows]
go be with your family
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🎶 It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie 🎶
Breakfast Club: don’t you forget about me
Fight Club: forget you have a whole other personality
Every once in a while in a bag of peanut m&m’s you get that one roundboi that has no peanut and it’s just a thicc m&m and that’s the m&m i’d like to be if I were an m&m
PRIEST: we are here for Robert-
*one guy in the back of the room boos*
My sister said she had strange cravings and an enhanced sense of smell so she must be pregnant, but I secretly thought, “werewolf.”
Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.
Her hands were garlic breadsticks of action. Her face was a Cesar salad of expression.
Why do all these blurry people keep telling me I’m drunk?
Fellas, here’s a flirting tip: If a girl plays with her hair while taking to you, it means she has lice and you should stay away from her.