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@EllaZee5

Breakfast Club: don’t you forget about me

Fight Club: forget you have a whole other personality

@JeffisTallguy

Every once in a while in a bag of peanut m&m’s you get that one roundboi that has no peanut and it’s just a thicc m&m and that’s the m&m i’d like to be if I were an m&m

@rockymomax

[my funeral]

PRIEST: we are here for Robert-

*one guy in the back of the room boos*

@mewchainz

My sister said she had strange cravings and an enhanced sense of smell so she must be pregnant, but I secretly thought, “werewolf.”

@LurkAtHomeMom

Every vote counts! Unless you forget to post your I voted sticker on Facebook, those ballots get thrown into an incinerator.

@goodhairperson

Her hands were garlic breadsticks of action. Her face was a Cesar salad of expression.

@KevinFarzad

Fellas, here’s a flirting tip: If a girl plays with her hair while taking to you, it means she has lice and you should stay away from her.