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@McGrumpenstein: *reaches the end of the rainbow
*discovers leprechauns guarding ripe avocados
@StevieKnip: PSA: If you're about to be arrested, climb to the roof of a nearby court. You are now 'above the law' & literally can't get in trouble ever
@AristotlesNZ: Watching Mickey's Clubhouse with my 4yo and even he's asking why the hell would a duck like Donald need a life jacket.
@steveolivas: Asked my wife if I was going to get a "tip" for driving her around today.
She laughed and laughed.
Apparently so hard, she got a headache.
@QwertyJones3: FRIEND: Thanks for letting me stay here while I'm in town
ME: No problem
FRIEND: Do u have a Waffle House nearby?
ME: No they're all wood
@P1ssed_K1d: If "she'll be riding six white horses when she comes", she's probably a little more woman than I can handle.