[Christina Aguilera begins singing the lyrics ‘You Are Beautiful’ at her concert, notices me in the audience, and abruptly stops]
*reaches the end of the rainbow
*discovers leprechauns guarding ripe avocados
You Might Also Like
Yeah, it was hard talking the little lady into it; but I showed her the top child psychologists agree that competition is healthy amongst siblings. So that’s Gargamel, our 7 year old, and our 3 year old baby girl here is named Papa Smurf.
[first day in hell]
hostess: welcome to hell. please take a seat
waiter: *pouring wine* your steak will be out shortly, sir
me: wow this isn’t so bad
group of waiters approaching in distance: happpppy bir-
I explained ‘gluten allergy’ to my grandma and she sighed and told me they ate leather belts during WWII to keep from starving
Environmentalism is fine but what if global warming is wrong? Then we made our air cleaner for nothing
Can we speak to the Mayans and have the ending of the world earlier than planned? Preferably before the premier of the new Twilight movie.
a bunch of us teens are going out to the forest to burn a piece of paper that says ‘responsibilities’ on it. for symbolism
Every morning I wake up and every morning there is no breakfast in bed. We have got to do something about this level of poverty!
[First day as a personal chef]
How do you take your poptart?
Elmo: Oscar, why are you a grouch?
Oscar: Growing up, my parents were-
*stabs Elmo with broken beer bottle*
CUZ I LIVE IN A TRASHCAN.