@WilliamAder

Read the tweet above this one and then the tweet below it. People paid FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS PER SHARE FOR THIS.

You Might Also Like

@Madame_Royale

I’m in so much trouble. My twitter crush found out about my boyfriend and now they’re both on their way to tell my husbands.

@drayzze

Is it ok to clothesline people on scooters going down busy sidewalk yet?

@Marcmywords2

Why do all Gas Station restrooms look
like you just walked in on an exorcism.

@amselts

After the machine uprising, robots in the club will dance “The Human” by compulsively overeating and playing with their phones on the toilet

@ThugRaccoons

Wife: Where’s your dad?

Son: He’s sunbathing in Nepal.

Wife: He’s what?

Son: Himalayan out.

@ADDiane

Cop: do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: yeah I do but sad news buddy, I’m married

@thetits

BRUTUS: hail Caesar *draws knife*

CEASAR: not this time *hands Brutus an Uno “reverse” card*

B: SHIT

ROMAN SENATE:*stabs Brutus to death*

@YourMomsucksTho

You’re not “retaining water” Shannon, you’re retaining the 37 bottles of wine you drank since early March