Saw a Justin Bieber CD taped to a wall. You better believe I took it, you never know when you will need a piece of tape.
Real doesn’t scare me, real stupid does
You Might Also Like
[first day as a judge]
ME: *bangs gavel* order! order!
GUY: *lowers menu* take it easy buddy what’s with the robe
date: I like men who aren’t afraid to take risks
me: [to waiter] horse please
Any 4 pics of Alan Rickman together looks like an amazing 80’s new wave band you wish existed
“I’m a great listener.” – The US government on a first date.
*pets a duck* helo litle friemd u used to b a dinosuar
me: i want a gun
Chuck E Cheese employee: sir, this is a-
me: chuck e cheese, i know. but i have [lowering sunglasses] 100,000 tickets.
employee: [checks to make sure no one is looking] come with me
DISCIPLES: Why did it take you 3 days to come back from the dead?
JESUS: [remembering all the times he hit snooze] All the praying and stuff.
This is yr brain. This is yr brain on drugs. *turns page* This is yr brain on the beach at Cancun! Awwww, yr brain on yr honeymoon. *turns p
‘help! is there a doctor around?’
im a dr
‘this guy got shot’
how does that make you feel
‘what are u doing?’
im a psychiatrist