Bill Withers: Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.
Twitter: *There is no
Reasons to not go camping No.154:
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world…
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Me: “You kids aren’t getting any more toys until you take care of the ones you have!”
Grandma: “Here are 8,000 new toys just for existing.”
I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling water before throwing in the mac n cheese.
I dreamt I was drowning in the ocean, and woke up spitting on my pillow.
So yeah, you can say I get pretty wet n wild in bed.
Whatever I was born in like 10 mangers
Oh my God! Honey, the baby just said “Dada!” Wait, why is he using air quotes?
I thought I had life all sorted out, and then the wind blew.
A thoughtful Romcom about mansplaining called “Well, Actually”
Wow my pants are really loose today
*skips to the nearest vending machine*
8yo: mommy how old are you?
8yo: *blink blink* so you seen a real dinosaur?