@PetrickSara

*rebrands massive pile of unfolded laundry as an art installation*

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@LostFelicia

My husband referred to one of my freckles as an age spot. Details to come on a candlelight vigil held in his honor.

@primawesome

I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.

@Lisabug74

I love how my car’s check engine light turns off. Of course this means the engine has healed on its own.

@Dawn_M_

Show him you care by leaving the message “I see you” on his bathroom mirror.

@TheAlexNevil

When I say things are going swimmingly, it’s important to note that I can’t swim.

@MafiaJoker78

*Leaves home for the day…

*Fears I left something behind

*Runs inside to see baby playing with my phone.

*Grabs phone & leaves.

@Darlainky

Dental hygienist: Whew! You’re all done with your cleaning. That took a bit longer than I expected.

Me: *maintains eye contact while biting into Oreo* Thanks.