*rebrands massive pile of unfolded laundry as an art installation*
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My husband referred to one of my freckles as an age spot. Details to come on a candlelight vigil held in his honor.
Might fornicate around and use a thesaurus
I’m an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
I love how my car’s check engine light turns off. Of course this means the engine has healed on its own.
Show him you care by leaving the message “I see you” on his bathroom mirror.
When I say things are going swimmingly, it’s important to note that I can’t swim.
*Leaves home for the day…
*Fears I left something behind
*Runs inside to see baby playing with my phone.
*Grabs phone & leaves.
Dental hygienist: Whew! You’re all done with your cleaning. That took a bit longer than I expected.
Me: *maintains eye contact while biting into Oreo* Thanks.