@LikeABaus91: Red bull gives you crippling heart palpitations just doesn't have the same ring to it.
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@mynameisntdave: MOBSTER: *cracks knuckles* ME: that supposed to intimidate me? *his fingers start to glow like glowsticks* ME: k I'm scared but thats rad
@HeidiCF8: Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican drug lord.
@sixfootcandy: Me: I’ll do anything to get healthy this year. Doctor: Are you willing to cut down on sugar, bread, and alcohol? Me: Let’s revisit this again next year.