Drinking game. Make the drunkest person in the room call in a Chinese food order. Every time they have to repeat themselves, take a shot.
Referring to her 28-day cycle as her Doomsday Clock is wrong…
I know that now…
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[Adam and Eve in bed]
Adam, am I really the only girl for you?
GOD EVE, YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH
So much to do right now
*cracks open beer*
So much to do tomorrow
Kentucky names the shit out of places
Every work meeting this week
Vicodin: For when you absolutely have to apple scissors badger trampoline Connie seven accept substitute no steak fries
*sleeps with the fishes but does not use condom*
My identical twin is insufferable. He manages to look ten years younger than me due to a superior moisturising regimen. He’s really rubbing it in.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their’s that they don’t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.