“I just wanted to create something that makes a horrible ripping sound. The adhesive aspect was just an accident.”
– inventor of velcro
*reheats leftovers from yesterday’s dinner date*
*waiter from last night knocks on window*
“how’s everything tasting folks”
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Captain: relax, it’s just a title
Second Mate: WHAT DOES HE MEAN TO YOU
Why do people try to trick babies into thinking airplanes are delicious?
[phone makes noise]
[gets giddy about how popular I’m about to feel]
Oh. It’s an email about car insurance.
[quietly dies a little inside]
Hi kids! I’m the homeroom mom for your class. [writes name on chalkboard]
[Boy Raises hand]
We can’t read. No one can read
Robocop’s guns malfunction.
Robocop gets sued for manslaughter.
Robocop loses his home.
[alarm goes off]
me: *presses snooze button*
foot cramp: hahahahaha nope
I’ll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.
It’s all fun and games until somebody fails a drug test.