Remembering the evil paraglider today. Wondering how he’s faring in all this.
Relationship status: DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, YOU CALLED A STORMTROOPER A ROBOT
You Might Also Like
My parents let me watch Grease constantly when I was a kid & then they were all, whoa why is our teenager always super drunk in tight pants?
If I ever really want my kids’ attention I can just make a YouTube video of me “unboxing” whatever I need to say.
Ugh, Amazon Prime takes two whole days for delivery. I wish there was a way I could buy things and get them immediately.
Boss: I expect total transparency from my staff
Trevor: That’s not always practic—
John the Jellyfish: NO PROBLEM BOSS
Saw 10: nickelback on repeat for 24 hours and to get out of the room you have to talk to Ann Coulter.
Get a big metal box, label it “TIME CAPSULE” and take a big dump in it so people know what 2011 was like.
Always a bridesmaid, never a body at the bottom of a lake
My walk of shame is every time I leave a girl’s house after watching “How I Met Your Mother” with her.
Friend: What’s it like having a tween daughter?
Me: *pretends I didn’t hear her*