@ddsmidt
Estimated assembly time said 20 minutes, it took much longer than that.
Clearly the instruction writer is overly confident in his skills.
@rainerfm
Relationship status: Sometimes I have imaginary conversations with supermodels.
Her: What an incredibly handsome and witty thing to say.
You Might Also Like
@ddsmidt
@ArfMeasures
Me: I taught the dog to say the 7 deadly sins
Wife: No you didn’t
Dog: Ruff
Me: See, wrath!
Wife: He said ruff! You can’t teach a dog to
Dog: Gluttony
Wife: Holy shit
@BehindScenesPic
Harry Potter Hair Evolution
@rob5373
I choked on a carrot earlier and all I could think of is that a donut wouldn’t have done that to me.
@DiscoFruit
but was it fire…?
@TheMichaelRock
I’ve seen enough episodes of “Cops” to know that you should avoid all people with blurry faces.
@steveffootball
At my interview
Him – what do you make at your current job?
Mostly mistakes and few inappropriate comments
@crownjuul
Me: *making toast at wedding*
Bride: hey those presents weren’t for you
@AnOrangeSNES
[Restaurant]
Waiter: Compliments of the chef.
*He opens silver platter and post-it notes with the words ‘You’re beautiful’ pour out*
@coolauntV
the main thing dating apps have taught me is that there are towns within 20 miles of me that I’ve somehow never heard of