Estimated assembly time said 20 minutes, it took much longer than that.
Clearly the instruction writer is overly confident in his skills.
Relationship status: Sometimes I have imaginary conversations with supermodels.
Her: What an incredibly handsome and witty thing to say.
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Me: I taught the dog to say the 7 deadly sins
Wife: No you didn’t
Me: See, wrath!
Wife: He said ruff! You can’t teach a dog to
Wife: Holy shit
Harry Potter Hair Evolution
I choked on a carrot earlier and all I could think of is that a donut wouldn’t have done that to me.
but was it fire…?
I’ve seen enough episodes of “Cops” to know that you should avoid all people with blurry faces.
At my interview
Him – what do you make at your current job?
Mostly mistakes and few inappropriate comments
Me: *making toast at wedding*
Bride: hey those presents weren’t for you
Waiter: Compliments of the chef.
*He opens silver platter and post-it notes with the words ‘You’re beautiful’ pour out*
the main thing dating apps have taught me is that there are towns within 20 miles of me that I’ve somehow never heard of