*requests to be buried in jaws of T-Rex skeleton so it looks like I went out fighting*
My neighbour/girlfriend was kidnapped but she’s ok now, I was caught.
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ladies, imagine this: its 15 years from now. u did it. your time machine worked
I’m so poor I can only afford Middle Ramen.
“WHAT?? You ate the last of the cantaloupe?? This is the worst day ever!”
Can you please stop being so melondramatic.
Waiter, Waiter, will my pizza be long?
No sir, it will be round.
#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who divide everybody into two kinds of people, and those who don’t.
If you can’t handle me at my worst, you and I have a lot in common.
Dear young cashier,
$100.89 is not pronounced $189.
Signed, a lady you scared
Walmart has strategically placed the cold sore meds in the mistletoe aisle.