Literally my professional life
Relationships are just two people scrolling through Netflix saying “I don’t care, just pick something” until they both turn into skeletons.
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ME: (in prison) Come on man! I know you can bust us out of here!
KOOL-AID MAN: *closes his bible and looks up* I’m not about that life anymore.
Don’t offer to pay.
It’s a sign of weakness.
Build trust through mutual agreement to steal.
No one suspects the “happy couple.”
ME: I have so many questions
ME: Exactly lol
ME: Yeah so-
ME: You only say sooth eh
S: *nods* sooth
I hope that boomerang I threw in 2009 is happy out there somewhere, maybe in a relationship with little boomerangs that don’t listen either.
Let’s settle this like adults.
Rock, paper, scissors.
Good news, I don’t have the virus. Bad news, I can still taste my cooking.
My whole life has felt like one big hammock and everybody is watching me try to get out of it.
I always take the high road, because the colors are more psychedelic and sometimes you see a unicorn.