@LoveNLunchmeat: Remember folks, the more you decorate for the holidays, the more flammable your house & property. Happy Holidays!!
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@OctopusCaveman: Atheist: I can’t believe it’s not butter Theist: I can believe it Agnostic: Just eat the toast
@WyanRilson: The hardest part of potty training my puppy is shitting outside with him so he can learn how to
@mommajessiec: Husband: Wouldn’t it be easier to buy a larger size jeans? Me: (on roof) Just hold out my skinny jeans for me to jump into like we planned!
@LackOfShame: Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn't really think your choice was excellent.