@WheelTod

Remember kids — it may be illegal to text and drive; but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50mph.

Remember kids — it may be illegal to text and drive; but you can still lawfully handwrite someone a heartfelt letter at 50mph.

- @WheelTod

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@3_livi

I went for a run today. Of course it was a beer run, but I was sweating.

@KattsDogma

I started a book club. A coloring book club. There’s a line to get in. We’re never on the same page. Nothing’s black & white. We’re well red

@rebrafsim

Her: you haven’t changed since the day we met

Me: THEY’RE MY LUCKY UNDERWEAR

@ItsAndyRyan

4yo daughter: No matter how much I wipe there’s still poo
Me: *blocking people on twitter* Same, baby

@RealSugarFree

So far at work I’ve straightened a paper clip then tried bending it back to its original shape. Employee of the month right here.

@MicheleAKALips

Sometimes when I’m bored I send a text to a random number saying, “ok they’re dead, what do I do with the body?”

@KentWGraham

I used to sing my daughter to sleep at night, which is probably why her first word was “Stop.”