@SaraESpivey
@SonOfCha
Sometimes I’m depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it’s like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!
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@SonOfCha
@LegoGodzilla
Dangerously attractive guitars get added to the sexy fenders register.
@darinlovesbacon
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
@thepamilerin
My mum entered my room &found me asleep. She Walked closer, caressed my hair & slapped my face saying ‘ur last seen on whatsApp was 1min ago
@ojedge
[attempting Guinness Book of Records for most people mauled by a bear]
ME: Thank you all for coming
37 OF MY FRIENDS: Why r we here again?
@JohnLyonTweets
“I wonder if there’s a word for a person who inspires you,” I mused.
@TheToddWilliams
<Enter Password>
Morningbreath
<Password too strong>
@liv_thatsme
(Boyfriend reaches for an old Target bag to line the trash can)
Me: NOT THE NICE TRASH BAGS
@thetobbie
One of the worst things about being deaf has to be the inability to tell whether people are yawning or screaming…
@elle91
Shift the power at family gatherings by telling older relatives you didn’t recognize them because they’ve gotten so big.