@juliacomedy

remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life

You Might Also Like

@KentWGraham

I’m glad humans don’t do the combo breed names like Labradoodle. I wouldn’t want to tell people I’m Germish.

@RobElliottComic

911: What’s your emergency?

Me: I need several Ambuli stat!

911: Ambuli?

Me: Yea plural for Ambulance

911: No its not

Me: It should be

@Paxochka

Sometimes you look at an ex and think maybe they’re not so bad. And then they start to talk and remind you why you hate them.

@poutinesmoothie

I think everyone would benefit if women had Oxford commas instead of periods.

@MommaUnfiltered

The guy at the gym said rest days are really important, so I’ve been resting for 6 years.

@juliussharpe

My wife wants to have another kid. That’s like seeing light at the end of a tunnel and saying, “I think we better turn around.”

@TommyKarate

In extremely rare cases women have been known to sleep with me.

@MNateShyamalan

you idiots are out here getting your wisdom teeth removed. me? i am having more added. where did you think yours were going? that’s right, my mouth. i have 107 wisdom teeth now. my wisdom has never been higher. i am realizing for the first time that this was not a good idea

@StevieKnip

*pretends floor is lava*

*looks around*

*slyly pushes homework onto the floor*