The 80s gave me the unrealistic expectation that I would eventually see a mannequin come to life.
remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life
You Might Also Like
Let your girlfriend know how much you love her by screeching loudly like a pterodactyl whenever she talks.
If you can’t say something nice, say something mortifying and kinky.
I hate when someone’s watching and I forget how to human
You’re a busy woman. Let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken’s done.
1 in 5 people are Chinese. Only 5 people in my family, it’s either mom or dad, brother Colin, younger brother Ho Chan. I think it’s Colin.
Him: Shake whatcha mama gave ya.
Me: *picks up crock pot
if you stand up in a hospital waiting room & loudly announce your name & why you’re there, sometimes another person will do it too
Shout out to Pringles for admitting they’re addictive, unlike cigarettes and heroin the two biggest liars of the snack industry.
my deep-seated irrational fear of ceiling fans has been vindicated