It’s always good to know what’s happening in astrology. When nothing seems to be going right, you can blame the stars.
Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That’s why the other countries are winning.
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Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don’t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar
Mommy? Does Barbie come with Ken? No dear, she comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.
Can we stop screwing around and make Pringles cans big enough to fit an entire hand? We have the technology
oh, internet, you didn’t even exist when this happened to me. every weekend.
Joe: I’m going to ask Donald if he wants something to eat
Barack: That’s nice, Joe
Joe: And then I’m going to offer him knuckle sandwiches
Poor Luigi when his parents were all, “This is Mario, we also call him ‘Super Mario’. And this Luigi, we also call him ‘Player 2’.
no caffeine: day 6
-can’t think straight
-3 people are dead
There were no dating apps in the 1950s. You just crashed a pyramid of water skiing girls into a pyramid of water skiing guys and hoped for the best.
Years ago I tried on my sister’s bra, couldn’t undo the clasp & was too embarrassed to ask for help. I’m still wearing it. I live in shame.