@KevinFarzad: Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That's why the other countries are winning.
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@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.
@thedadonline: Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.
@psybermonkey: Boss: also, a reminder that if you find a USB outside, do not bring it into the workplace Me: *writing notes* international bees only
@TheCatWhisprer: You know you're getting fat when you make a comment about needing to lose weight and the other person doesn't say anything back.