@KevinFarzad

Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That’s why the other countries are winning.

You Might Also Like

@SilverKick

It’s always good to know what’s happening in astrology. When nothing seems to be going right, you can blame the stars.

@JessicaNorthey

Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don’t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar

@ohwrigley

Mommy? Does Barbie come with Ken? No dear, she comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.

@Mom_Overboard

Can we stop screwing around and make Pringles cans big enough to fit an entire hand? We have the technology

@preawsaurus

oh, internet, you didn’t even exist when this happened to me. every weekend.

@JillBidenVeep

Joe: I’m going to ask Donald if he wants something to eat
Barack: That’s nice, Joe
Joe: And then I’m going to offer him knuckle sandwiches

@Eden_Eats

Poor Luigi when his parents were all, “This is Mario, we also call him ‘Super Mario’. And this Luigi, we also call him ‘Player 2’.

@sparticus_af

no caffeine: day 6

-sleeping better
-stable moods
-less anxious
-can’t think straight
-i’m exhausted
-3 people are dead

@shutupmikeginn

There were no dating apps in the 1950s. You just crashed a pyramid of water skiing girls into a pyramid of water skiing guys and hoped for the best.

@BlindChow

Years ago I tried on my sister’s bra, couldn’t undo the clasp & was too embarrassed to ask for help. I’m still wearing it. I live in shame.