YOU THINK CONDOMS ARE STUPID???
My 2yr old just cried for 45 minutes because the TV in our car isn’t as big as the TV in our house…
Remember, you are faster and trickier than they are.
– Me, to myself, when I’m fighting a kid at the playground for the last swing.
You Might Also Like
My generation acts like they invented podcasts but my mom has been leaving 40min voicemails since before the internet.
That walk of shame when you fail at throwing a ball of paper into the garbage.
I asked my gf not to wear any panties in hopes of spicing things up, but she ignored me and just kept rolling around, being a watermelon.
Benedict Cumberpatch’s full name is Benedictionary Cucumbercabbagepatch.
“Your child’s previous school indicates you’re a bit of a helicopter parent.”
Velociraptor: That’s got to be a typo.
Teacher: do u have your homework?
Ryan Lochte: I was murdered last night
the year is 2046: leggings & cargo shorts have become sentient, the world is very different but we’re all pretty comfy
never trust a person who says they don’t like chocolate, even dogs eat chocolate and it kills them
Staples is attempting a hostile takeover
of its rival Office Depot.
Office Depot has retaliated by
snapping rubber bands at Staples.