@RealSamHarwood: Reminding Dad I'm too old for adoption really bums him out because that was one of his favorite threats when I was growing up
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because my tires look like donuts? Cop: Get out
@VinnyPisciotta1: Singin' in the Rain is a beloved Oscar-winning classic, but singin' on the train will get you harsh stares and a six seater all to yourself.