@thentherewasmo: Renee Zellweger is living proof that if you keep making that face it's going to be stuck that way forever
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@Social_Mime: When I was a kid I thought 40 was really really old and now I've discovered I was right.
@iwearaonesie: me: Go back! uber driver: Did I miss the turn? me [already in the front seat trying to find the station that was playing Taylor Swift]
@HatfieldAnne: To everyone I ever mocked for accidentally running your earbuds through the washer: I have some news that will please you.