Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.
YES MY CHILD
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Reporter: How has winning the lottery changed your life?
Me: [chasing a raccoon with nunchucks] I can finally afford to do the things I love
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The Force can make you lift a spaceship out of the swamp, but proper sentence structure teaching, it can not.
Me: promise you won’t show anyone?
H: that’s pics of fruit snacks
M: you said you wanted pics of my goods
Christian Mingle: Find God’s match for you.
Because the Lord works in mysterious ways. Like setting up a website for his people to hook up.
Dr: Read the chart for me please.
Me: Needs immediate psych evaluation?
Dr: Ma’am, I was talking about the eye chart.
Ok, I’m finally off dairy. Next is sugar, then heroin.
*steps out of the time machine* Me: what year is this?
Wife: Stop playing with the washing machine.
Carl: Cold out night.
Me: Tell me something I don’t know.
Carl: NASA found LSD improved spiders’ ability to make webs.
Me: Fair enough.
It’s what separates us from the animals.
boys need to work on keeping their Instagram up to date with good pics. I can’t show my mom some pic of a fish you caught 120 weeks ago