@fro_vo

Reporter: *ports again*

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@Beagz

[This zoom meeting I’m in right now]

Everyone: *EVERYONE TALKING AT ONCE*

Everyone:

Everyone: *EVERYONE TALKING AT ONCE*

Everyone:

Everyone: *EVERYONE TALKING AT ONCE*

Everyone:

@NicestHippo

People already feel judged in public but what if they also had the same awful feeling in private?

GUY WHO INVENTED RELIGION: I have an idea

@katiefzack

I don’t throw people under the bus because there’s a chance they could lay flat in the center and not get hurt, which I’m not okay with.

@harriweinreb

the fire alarm is to warn the fire that the fire department is coming

@andlikelaura

God: you’ll be man’s best friend

Cat: nah

God: wh-what

Cat: give the role to that guy *points at dog chasing its tail*

Dog: oh boy oh boy i won’t let you down i just love u so much! iloveuiloveuiloveu

God: ok you have a point

Dog, to cat: ilove-

Cat: *swats nose* no

@Lhlodder

Today I worked from home, ran 10 miles, homeschooled my kids, cleaned the house, made a delicious dinner, and got my kids to bed early. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you lie.

@juliussharpe

Dating is basically lying to women about how you like to travel.