@UberFacts

Research suggests that when someone disagrees with you, you should speak faster so they have less time to process what you’re saying.

You Might Also Like

@TheBoydP

Fact: There comes a point in every man’s life that he regrets teaching his son about triple dog dares.

@UncleDuke1969

“Mom, the kid in the other car is making faces at me.”

“Just ignore him, sweetie.”

@MariyaAlexander

Why don’t men ever think to do helpful catcalls like “YO SEXY THE SIDEWALK IS CLOSED AT THE END OF THIS BLOCK – CONSIDER REROUTING, MAMI!”

@HidingNDAttic

ME: No Officer, I swear I’m not high

CAT: For the last time, I’m not a cop, and cats can’t talk

ME: Whew! In that case I’m high af

CAT: Busted! *flashes badge* Undercover Cat Cop strikes again!

@JustDontBugMe

Me: Another nightmare?
Him: Why?

M: You were yelling “Dora the Explorer help! No Swiper, no!”

H: …
M: Maybe lay off the cartoons, bruh.

@shwebby3

Pissing Blood is bad right?

PHEW! false alarm guys, its Ketchup!

… Pissing Ketchup is bad right?

@BobTheSuit

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because I’m riding a Big Wheel on the freeway?

Officer: A STOLEN BIG WHEEL

@KMoFlo_official

6y/o: Mommy, do you know what a Ouija board is?

Me: Yes.

6y/o: Let’s get one so we can talk to you later.

@iwearaonesie

wife: I want a divorce
[uncomfortable silence]
everyone else at the party: Happy birthday to y-

@AGreaterMonster

Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest strength?
Me: Definitely my insecurities. Very strong.