“Well butter my biscuit”
-The Pillsbury Doughboy receiving a compliment
Waiter: “Can I box any of this food for you?”
Me: “You can uppercut this piece of chicken.”
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My young nephew said that people with glasses should only be able to marry other people with glasses. He’s like a tiny Republican senator.
“I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? ’cause I smell carrots…”
[praying in church]
Please God let church end early
Less than two weeks until Canadian Thanksgiving.
Better start marinating the beaver.
I always wink at the local Funeral Director, because he will be the last one to see me naked, and I don’t want it to be awkward.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
The national language is Yeet. Your daughter’s fiancé is a YouTuber whose legal name is Landon FTW.
Tequila doesn’t make me drunk and
disorderly, it just seems that way, cuz
Police Reports are all written by cops.
Has anyone tried watering old people? Maybe they just need to be watered.